Lost Years
by Nuttyginger
Summary: Wesley gets one hell of a surprise and blast from the past while Angel and Cordelia have to deal with their own demons. ;op
1. Shocking News

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. except Anastasia who is based on me and the plot all of which has been copyrighted under my name. The Charaters like SAngel, Wesley, Cordelia and Buffy belong to Joss, David and all those rich folks at WB, Fox, and Mutant (Grr, Arr) Enemy Inc.  
  
This is a Cordelia/Angel, Cordelia/Xander, Buffy/Angel, Riley/Buffy, all with major angst and tears (Both on my part and the Characters) fan fiction.   
There are major spoilers in this: Angel-All of the season One Episodes; Buffy the Vampire Slayer-All episodes up until the end of series Four!!!!  
I would love loads of feedback to this as it is my first ever Fan Fiction that took a while to publish and is in chapters and if YOU like it I'll write some more!!! Feedback to- nuttyginger@angelfire.com  
I would like to dedicate this to my mum because she is ill right now and reading this has made her laugh if not made her think I am mad! Last and least to my dad-you'll never know what you've been missing.  
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Lost Years - Chapter 1  
Set about 5 and a half years after "City Of"  
  
She strode up the wooden corridor that lead to a door. A door which she hoped to find what she had searched for. For Twelve long years she had searched, for city to city, she had used her contacts but to no avail. That was until she heard the Slayers story. The story had cause fright and alarm among her kind. Two Slayers had existed on earth yet one chose evil. Her watcher had lost control of her and she ended up in a coma, a vegetable but only Anastasia could kill her. It was the something The Oracles had told her, infact it was the only specific thing they had told her. She had asked them many times to help her in her search but they only shattered her hopes with their riddles. It wasn't the Slayer she was interested in, it was the Watcher she wanted or the "Rogue Demon Hunter" as he was now he had been sacked by the Council. She had gone to the Hellmouth named Sunnydale and met the only walking Slayer. The Slayer had told her that the watcher had left and she only discovered him on a fleeting  
visit to Los Angeles.  
  
She opened the door with her confidence in her heart. On entering the door, which had "Angel Investigations" eched in it, she came across a peculiar scene. A brunette was sniping at a handsome man which sat with a amused smile on his face. She cautionary sniffed the air. The brunette turned.  
  
"Hiya can we help you?"  
  
"Is this Angel Investigations? You help the helpful or something like that?" She asked in an even tone.   
  
The brunette smelled human enough but something was different about her. Him, he wasn't human.  
  
"Helpless! We help the helpless. How can we help you?"  
  
"The Slayer said that I might find Wesley Wynham-Price here. He isn't human." She noticed the mans smile fade as she brought up the fact he wasn't human and he became restless at the mention of the Slayer.  
  
"Yeah Wesley works here. How do you know Little-Miss-Likes-To-Fight? Boy she gets around." the brunette asked.  
  
"Cordelia!" the man growled "Play nice!"  
  
"Hey I thought we were allowed to mention the B-word around here. I was only curious. So why do you want to see Wesley? I didn't know he had any friends."  
  
Before she had a chance to answer the door, through which she had just entered, swung open.  
  
"Hello everyone I got the coffee," Wesley came to the slow realisation that everyone was staring at him and in front of him stood a girl with her back to him. "Oh so sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. Please carry on." Just as he began to turn Angel shouted after him.  
  
"This young lady is here to see you Wesley."  
  
A sign of shock betrayed his face. No body knew he was here except for Angel, Cordelia and Buffy. "Oh hello there I am Wesley Wynham-Price. Nice to make you aquittance. How many I help you?"  
  
"Hello my name is Anastasia Grey, some people call me sarcastic. OK I'm not good at this whole humour thing. I better get to the point. I am your daughter, you are my father." She heard the coffee and bagels fall to the floor.  
  
Wesley stood, his jaw dropped, babbling unable to string a sentence together. It was Angel who spoke up first.  
  
"I have a question, How did you know I wasn't Human?"  
  
"Let me explain," she began "I am an Anmory demon." She sensed the room silence and the bodies around he stiffened. " My kind are one of the oldest living demon races on the planet. We used to hunt down humans and aid the growing demon populations." She noticed Cordelia slide across the room behind Angel, fear clear in her eyes. "Relax, I'm not like that. You see Wesley was called to the Watchers council the day that my mother found out she was carrying me. My mother was to an Anmory demon but she saw the destruction that our kind had committed over the centuries and tried to help humans. Before having me she took me back to her home county in Galloway, Ireland." Angels ears pricked at the sound of the familiar place, "She was killed when I was Four. A couple who were neighbours took me in. They moved me to London in a hope I would forget my past but I didn't. They knew what I was and set about, what they thought was an impossible task of trying to break my killer instinct. It wasn't as hard as they thought, something to do with the Watchers blood in me I guess. Now I help humans defend themselves from demons. When I was Four I had the power to understand things like why I had no father and from then on in I searched for you. When I was Fourteen I left Britain in an effort to extend my search for  
you. I also had a modelling contract which enabled me to travel from city to city looking for news about you. When I was in New York I met a guy who worked for a law firm, his name was Alexander Harris but preferred Xander for some reason but..."   
  
Angel turned to look at Cordelia, no matter how much they meant to each other and how much they claimed to love each other he knew how much Xander had meant to her, how much he hated him. A bit like Buffy to him. He took  
Cordelias hand and squeezed it in support.  
  
"Anyway he told me the story of Faith and the Chosen One. When he mentioned their Watcher I went to Sunnydale, that place is not as bad as legend said it is, and the Chosen One told me to come here. This place is worse. I killed three demons just getting here. Their tough to fight here. I needed to find you Wesley. You need to find out about my mother and I need to find my identity in you. My mother was called Christina Grey." She studied his face for a reaction.  
  
Wesley felt his knees go weak as the memories flashed by his eyes. Christina was the only woman he had ever loved. He had fought with his destiny the day he was called. He loved her so deeply but in the end he had to give in and let fate take over. Tears began to fill his eyes as her face echoed around his head. He unwilling sunk into a nearby chair. This was too much. He finally got his mouth to communicate with his scrambled brain and muttered the words .  
  
"I need time to think, need to get my head together. I'll be back in an hour or so." With that he picked up his suit jacket and headed back out the door.   
Anastasia sat in the chair her father had just left sobbing uncontrollably. This wasn't like her. She was a demon killer, she was a model, she had self control. She had just lost her father again.   
  
"So what are you? Your not human." Anastasia asked turning to Angel. Cordelia stood in front of him "This brooding, soul creature of the night is a vampire. Not your run-of-the-mill vampire either. He's got a soul, and it's permanent." She smiled almost proud. "Oh yeah and he's mine."  
  
"And you?" Anastasia questioned once a gain this time to Cordelia  
  
"Me! Oh I'm 100% Human. I have blood, a heartbeat, a pulse. You named it I got it. Why? I thought you could sense these things."  
  
"I smelt the air when I first got here. You smell human enough but there is something different, not just that your in love with a vampire, but something demonic..."  
  
"Oh I get it." Cordelia shouted exited. "I'm his seer. This guy, well one of my best friends, gave me these damn mind-crumbling visions where I see people in trouble and lots of icky demons. Doyle, my friend, gave me them before he died...trying to save mine and Angels lives Four years ago. The PTB, The Powers That Be, have a lot to answer for."  
  
"Wait a minute, you can talk to The Powers That Be? How, I mean nobody but the Slayers get to talk to them. I just get these stupid Oracle people who give me stupid riddles. That why it took me so long to find my father." She crumbled once again into the chair.   
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Well tell me whatyou think and i'll get to work on the other pieces. :oP 


	2. Kick Ass

Chapter Two  
  
Anastasia sat in wait for Wesley coming back. She was amazed at his selfishness, he didn't even ask to find out how this was affecting her. She had just found her father after Sixteen years. Her family or what was left of it was complete. What had she expected? Him to welcome her with open arms, for him to be overjoyed? What? She didn't expect this. She felt her demon sides stir as she thought about it, the battle inside her had strengthened the closer she got to LA. She needed to calm down but was scared to leave the office, she might bump into him and the way she was feeling just now she would have ripped him to pieces.   
  
"I know I shouldn't have just showed up here but I thought from what the Slayer had told me he was quite reserved, he just walked away from me. Is there somewhere I could go...just to be on my own?"  
  
"Yeah sure my apartment downstairs is quiet. Don't worry about Wesley, he may not be able to fight good but he's not stupid."  
  
He had been walking for hours now. Thoughts buzzing through his head. Faces, Christinas face. The look on her face as he got in the taxi and left her life. Questions began to form in his head. "Did she know about the baby before or after I left. Is Anastasia my daughter? She had said her mother only found out the day I had left. Did she  
know about the baby before I left and didn't tell him because she knew about my destiny? Could have Anastasia not had a father because of my selfishness? God, what am I going to do?" He suddenly realised that he had been talking to himself. He had to talk to her; he needed answers as well.   
  
Anastasia continued to battle with her demon. The quietness hadn't help at all. Noticing the sound system sitting in the corner, she slipped a C.D out of her bag and put it on. Immediately the music filled her head, her mind calmed and the demon struggle lessened but not enough to make her feel secure. She had been in the same position may a time usually after she had seen a human she was trying to protect killed because she played with the demon before killing it. Those were the times where she hit rock bottom. Her foster mother had taught  
her that Tai Chi was the best way to calm her demon as well as improve her self-defences. She had come a long way since the days she would give in to her demon urges, luckily she was only a small child then and never did much harm except from breaking her foster fathers arm! Her focus changed from Wesley to the movements her limbs made, the energy need to make one move to another, all thoughts and energies left the dark room and her focus turned to the demon within. The Tai Chi was working, her demon stilled and she became at peace until  
she heard a scuffle behind her. She had not smelt anything. The guard up and in a stance to defend she swung around leg kicked high in the air. Her leg stopped short of the intrusive persons head. His dark eyes stared back in surprise. She lowered her leg and blushed red at the embarrasment. She had almost decapitated a soul-full vampire.   
Angel stared at her in disbelief. She was only Sixteen and could already kick as high as his 6ft 3" stature.   
  
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to...I didn't realised it was you....oh shit" she mumbled under her breath. "Sorry I didn't smell anything, well I wouldn't would I, and I'm pretty jumpy right now. Sorry. Nice place you've got here, a bit dark but then I guess that's perfect for you. The Slayer told me a lot about you. Riley seemed pretty clued up on you as well. You and the Slayer team got a bit of bad blood or something?"  
  
"Sorry, i'm used to Cordelia being able to sense me behind her. Angel shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other "Yeah you could say that. Both me and Cordelia escaped from Sunnydale. Too many demons to face, pardon the pun. I fell in love with the Slayer, her name's Buffy. Anyway I was cursed about 200 years ago and they, conveniently, forgot to tell me that one moment of happiness meant that I would turn all bad again. I turned into Angelus.." when he uttered the words he heard Anastasia drew in a breath. Had he not the vampire hearing,  
it would have went unnoticed.   
  
"You? You are Angelus? The name, I thought....I was sent to kill you at one point. Angelus is the name for pure evil. You fell in love with the Slayer yet you are the reason why she was Chosen. How could you have? But Cordelia....You and her are together yet you are willing to sacrifice the world for....., for what?"  
  
"Let me finish. She sent me to hell after I killed her Watchers girlfriend and I was sent back to make amends, help her saved the world again and then fled into the night and came here to LA. That's it really in a nutshell. Except when I came here I was given one last chance to become human, though  
redemption. But Cordelia realised that TPB should pay because she has to put up with the visions, that Doyle gave her, and she's human so she asked them to speak to the Gypsy Council and tried to get my soul back for me. It meant I could go back to Buffy. When the crunch came I realised I couldn't leave Cordelia, I fell in love with my best friend, Cordelia. Who's Riley?"  
  
"Wow that is some story. Riley is the Slayers boyfriend. He knows about Buffy, how she is the Slayer. He's really nice. Sounds like you've both moved on?"  
  
Angel didn't get a chance to answer before they heard a thud upstairs. Something had fell to the floor. Angel rushed upstairs with Anastasia hot on his heels. They found Cordelia fitting on the floor in a vision. When she came to she scribbled down the name of a restaurant.  
  
"Find the girl, she'll lead you to the demon. She's got blonde hair, tall and very bad fashion sense. I'll do the research thing...once the thumping stops in my head. Angel be careful. You maybe a vampire, but not unstakable. Just remember that."  
  
"Anastasia you stay here, your too young and I can't be responsible for you. Go and find Wesley. Cordelia get some rest," kissing Cordelia goodbye "I'll be back soon"  
  
"I am coming." Anastasia snapped. "I've battled demons since I was Fourteen I think I could...learn from this, hey I might be able to help."  
  
"I can see I'm not going to win this battle. Right but you stay out of my way."  
  
At the restaurant, Angel and Anastasia find the girl they are looking for but she is sitting with her boyfriend having dinner so they wait outside.  
  
"So how do you know Wesley?" Anastasia asked Angel  
  
"I met him when I was in Sunnydale with Buffy, Wesley was Faiths Watcher then he became Buffys when I killed Miss Callender, Her Watcher Giles girlfriend, Cordelia fancied the pants off him and I, well I humoured him, he was Buffys Watcher after all. But when Faith killed the Majors assistant Buffy rejected him. He stuck around trying to make up for Faith but when the whole 'Major turns into giant snake' happened he left. We ran into him about Five years ago when he was hunting a demon down and well we were hunting the same  
demon. This was just after Doyle died. Well he had no where else to go and I thought he could maybe be someone mortal and normal for Cordelia. She realised how much she liked Doyle just as he died and gave her these visions, but she couldn't tell him. She had no one else but me."  
  
An awkward silence descended between them, more been said than ever before. The girl and her boyfriend walked out of restaurant and off toward the centre of the city. Angels cell phone went off.  
  
"Hi Angel, Cord here. Listen the demon in my vision, rather icky but he's a Jounia Demon. He can become as a human but has to go all demony to kill his prey. He kinda reminds me of the guy that tried too used me to spaun demons....ekk sends a shiver down my spine. You can only kill him when he's all demony. Good Luck. Oh yeah if Anastasia still there, tell her Wesley's back. He's better now. Love ya bye."  
  
The soul-man hung up with a smile on his face. His Cora always made him laugh. "Hey Anastasia Wesley's back, his a little better. He wants to talk when we're done. You've to keep out of the trouble."  
  
Angel and Anastasia set off after the demon. They cornered him a disused warehouse. Angel tried the sarcastic humour approach but that only angered the demon more. The Jounia plunged his head into Angels stomach sending them both into a brick wall. Anastasia side kicked him in the head. The demon momentarily weaken his grip on Angel, enough for Angel to stagger away. His vampire face emerge showing the anger he felt. The demon picked up a metal pole lying on the ground and thrashed at Anastasia with it catching her off guard. Angel felt the pain as the pole made contact with her head then to her ribs and finally to her stomach before turning on Angel. Angel watched unable to catch Anastasia as her legs gave way and she fell to the floor. He backed the demon up against a crate, glancing at Anastasia to reassure she was alive. This was enough for the demon to make his get away. 


	3. Revelations

Disclaimer on Chapter One. Part Three in the Lost Years Series.  
Summary: Cordelia and Angel come face to face with an unexpected guest.  
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Chapter 3  
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Back at Angels Apartment:  
  
"Wesley don't worry she can kick some serious ass. She almost knocked Angels head off, lucky she can stop pretty fast as well. Are you OK? You're still a bit pale. You want some coffee? Ohh Wesley sometimes you really annoy me..."  
  
Wesley turned, shocked. "How do I annoy you?"  
  
"Your daughter shows up on the doorstep and you don't even stick around to find out about her and now she's off fighting the demon scum of Los Angeles. I mean she's not normal, good shoe sense, but she's you kid. I mean at least your family is starting to come together, mine has either ran out of money or are of a demon nature. "  
  
"I know I shouldn't have run out like that but..."  
  
The door to the sewers burst open. A ragged Angel drawing in deep, unneeded breaths stood in the doorway cradling a small ginger-haired figure in his arms.  
  
"Help her!" he managed to rasp before buckling to the floor. Anastasia fell from his arms. She had a large gash to her abdomen which leaked the dark-red life line from her veins. Her face was covered in scratches, her lip  
broken open, the bruises blemished her skin.   
  
"How could you? How could you let this happen to her. Your meant to protect her." Wesley shouted running at a now standing Angel. "She only Sixteen for goodness sake."  
  
Angel staggered before toppling to the ground. "I tried, but she tried to stop him from hurting me and he was too strong. I told her not to come out with me but...I tried to..." Angel tailing off as he heard a moan from behind him. He whipped around to see Anastasia trying to get to her feet. Her scratches already healed and the gasp to her stomach had stopped bleeding and began to close up. Just like his cuts did.  
  
"I'm fine." she gasped at the wound to her stomach, wobbling slightly on her feet. "OK maybe not but give me an hour and I'll be ready to kick some demon ass."  
  
"Your not going anywhere. You were almost killed for heaven sakes. I won't let you go out again. How do you heal so fast?"  
  
"Oh great now he decides to become all father-like. Wesley get a grip. I can do what I want. Look what that thing did to me! I heal so fast because I have the healing ability of our dear Angel here only better. When The Powers That Be saw what I was they gave me the powers of the Slayer. I can kick demon ass and it doesn't bother me. Trust me, I've been through worst." She explain, now fully standing her gash almost gone now.   
  
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Back at Cordelias apartment. The doorbell has just rung and the sound of the shower can be heard in the background:  
  
"Don't worry Cordy I'll get it." Angel padded through to the living room in Cordelia apartment, leaving wet footprints behind him. He opened the door to find Buffy The Vampire Slayer standing in front of him. He stood, his jaw dropped in surprise, speechless.   
  
"Who is it? If it's Wesley tell him we..." She stopped mid sentence at the  
person standing in her doorway. Suddenly becoming aware of the scene. Angel standing with a towel round his waist, water sliding down his chest, and Cordelia also wearing only a towel standing while Angels true-love stood in the doorway. The phrase Opps... sprung to her mind.  
  
"Oh Buffy...Come in...We were just...well...Cordelia say hi to Buffy while I go and dry off." Angel awkwardly said before making his exit.  
  
"Well this I didn't expect. So Cordelia Chase finally got her man eh. I must admit I didn't think you went for cast-off's. Here's me coming here as a friend to tell you something so important I left Sunnydale and came all the way here. Maybe I shouldn't have bothered."   
  
"Hold it Little-Miss-Likes-To-Fight, firstly Angel is not a cast-off. You gave up on him and I didn't get my man, you got all the men I ever wanted like Xander. Secondly you and me were never friends. I put up with you because of Xander, big mistake. So you can take you and your little stakes and go back to Sunnydale, 'Cos we don't need you here." Cordelia spat back at Buffy.  
  
"You don't even want to know why I'm here? Xander asked me to come. He's ill, very ill. We don't know why. He came back from New York to help me, Riley and Willow fight he scum of Sunnydale and a demon bit him. Giles doesn't know what to do but Xander wants to see you, to say goodbye...God knows why."  
  
Angel reappeared less wet and wearing black pants and a purple shirt. "So why are you here?"  
  
"Xanders ill and he wants to see me. Giles thinks he could die. He's in Sunnydale." Cordelia whispered, emotion filled her voice. "Will you please come with me? I don't want to go alone. I'm scared." Cordelia was almost in tears by now.  
  
Before Cordelia and Angel became a couple they were best friends so Angel more than anyone knew how much Xander had hurt her. Of course he would go. He was surprised at how little he felt for Buffy, they had said goodbye a long time ago. Cordelia and Xander were different. Xander had got one last dance with her then she left. That much he could understand. The fear and the pain in her eyes as she stood there caught him of guard. "Of Course I'll come. You can't go through this alone. Anastasia and Wesley need some time to themselves. I think they have a lot to talk about. Buffy I think you met Anastasia when she went to Sunnydale looking for Wesley. Well she found him here."  
  
"Anastasia? Oh yeah the little girl who can kick ass. She's something else. I've never know a human could act the way she does, only Slayers. Well are we going or what I want to get back to Sunnydale. This place is wiggy." Buffy uttered, her nose screwing up.  
  
"Anastasia isn't human she's a demon, a good one. I'll pack. Angel just take your stuff that's here, We haven't got time to go back to A.I. Sorry." Cordelias voice filled with worry and guilt.  
  
Angel knew that voice. It was the same voice she used the weeks after Doyle died, when she was looking for memories of Dolye like his coffee cup. She blamed herself. Angel blamed himself. He hadn't got to the ship in time to warn Cordelia and Dolye to get out. But that was the past yet so was Cordelia and Xander. Why was his mind filled with these thoughts. He trusted Cordelia with is unlife, with his unbeating heart. He shouldn't feel like this, he wouldn't feel like this. "Thanks I'll be there in a minute."  
  
"Kinda cosy isn't?" Buffy spat  
  
"What is that meant to mean. You've moved on so I can't? Yeah I know about you and Riley. Cordelia and I fell in love so file a lawsuit, it won't change things."  
  
Buffy stood, her eyes wide in shock. Did he just say he loved her? "Did you just say you loved her? Are you insane? Pee-brain Cordelia knows what will happen if you...the big happy thing. So I take you aren't...well...sleeping together?"  
  
"Oh I get it, your worried I'll lose my soul again, like I did with you. In the 5 years since I last seen you things have changed. We, or Cordelia cut a deal with TPB and they agreed to give me the permanent soul deal as long as I keep fighting for the 'Good Side'. So don't worry you won't have to come and send me to hell again. I couldn't...wait for you forever. I realised you weren't mine anymore, you had moved on and I had too as well." Angel said, his head hanging.  
  
"I waited. When I gave you the Gem I thought you might come back but you didn't so I gave up in the end but I never thought you would move on, much less straight to Cordelia. Help me understand. Please, I still love you. You will always be in a piece of my heart." Buffy stepped forward.  
  
"Cordelia and I need each other. We're both working for the same goal. I never expect for you to understand my feelings for Cordelia. All you need to know is that I love Cordelia very much and I need her, but I will always love you." Angel could see the tears forming in Buffys eyes. "Why does Xander want to see Cordelia of all people?"  
  
"You don't get it do you? Xander still loves Cordelia, he didn't get the chance to say goodbye. She took off. Where is she we need to go?" Buffy whispered.  
  
"It's OK I'm coming, soul-boy and I can go in the convertible since it's dark. Is he at Giles's or at the hospital?"  
  
"He's in the hospital. Faiths still there." Buffy said in almost sadness. "The doctors think it's some sort of virus. We didn't know what else to do."  
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Read On 


	4. Coping

Disclaimer is on Chapter One. This is part Four in the Lost Years Series  
Summary: Angel and Cordelia face their demons and Wesley plays catch-up.  
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Chapter 4  
++++++++  
  
Meanwhile at A.I. Wesley and Anastasia are sitting in the office. Wesley is sitting staring at Anastasia:  
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"What? What are you staring at?" Anastasia voiced getting frustrated.  
  
"You! You look so much like your mother. Same eyes, same nose, your hair is exactly the same. I wish I had a picture I could show you. She was beautiful. I loved her you know, I really did. But sadly Fate got in the way and we couldn't stay together." Wesley trailed off, the memories too hard to deal with.   
  
"Why did you leave her?"  
  
"I was called to be a Watcher. We, your mother and I, spent days deciding whether or not I should go. The day I decided to go I tried to get in contact with your mother but no one knew where she had gone. By the time the council came she still wasn't back and I couldn't tell her I was going. She had gone to the doctors that day. That must have been when she found out about you. If I had known I...I would have stayed." Wesley now staring into space, deep in thought.   
  
"I've come to accept that the past is the past and unless you are The Powers That Be you can't change what has happened in the past. I need to look forward to the future, and my future is a long one. Since we kinda have the place and the day to ourselves and I don't have a shoot till tomorrow how do you fancy getting to know each other. I've never been to LA, well not during the day so how about you show me around?"   
  
Wesley snapped out of his day dream. "What? Yes, yes of course. Where would you like to go?"  
  
"Well duh...I've never been to LA You are the one that lives here. I have one problem, I have to go back to my hotel room 'Cos these clothes are all sweaty and icky. Do you mind? I can meet you...Ohh this little cafe near the hotel. Say in about an hour?"  
  
"Yes O.K but be careful, LA is a bad..." he stopped when he realised who he was talking to, "Ahh yes, in an hour and be on time."  
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In the convertible on the way to Sunnydale:  
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"Are you OK with this? I mean the whole 'Xander wants to see me' thing? I can understand it if your not." Cordelia asked almost scared of the answer.  
  
"Are you OK with Me and Buffy? Sorry that didn't come out right. Yes of course I'm all right with the Xander thing. I understand how you are feeling. Just like I loved Buffy..." Cordelia winced at the mere mention of the subject.  
  
"Hey don't worry. My love for Buffy was born from our common goal. Our love comes from a deep friendship and a need to be with each other. I trust you with all my heart. I know how much you loved Xander, no matter how many times you tell me you didn't. I know how it feels. Buffy still holds a piece from my heart and Xander...well Xander still has a piece of yours."  
  
"Gees Angel, does everything have to turn into a blood bath with you?"   
  
Angel chuckled. "I trust you, OK."   
  
She placed her hand over his, "Thanks." Angel leaned over and kissed her temple.  
  
Buffy was following in the car behind. She had seen the whole interaction. The lead weight in her stomach had returned. The same lead weight that was there when she told Angel to forget her 5 years ago. She was hurting, really hurting. What hurt her more, that he had moved on, that he had moved on to Cordelia, or, simply, that he had his soul and still didn't come back to her? How could he be so selfish? He hadn't even asked her when he left after Graduation, he just walked away, he never looked back. She didn't want him to go but she agreed with him anyway. She had slept with Parker just to prove that every guy she slept with didn't go all 'I'm- gonna- destroy- the- world' on her. But Parker had turned out to be a lying rat, and she did get to hit him over the head a few  
times with a stick. A smile crept on her face of the memories of that day. Riley, now Riley was different. He knew all about her past and what she was. He understood that she stood between peace and the Hellmouth on Earth. He loved her and didn't go all evilly on her when she slept with him.   
Her Destiny's Child tape finished and the memories of her and Angel now played in her head. She held the memory of when they danced at her prom most dear. She was going to get Angel back somehow. She was the Slayer after all.  
  
Cordelias body tensed as she saw the sign for Sunnydale on the horizon. Angel sensed her tension and slid he arm over her shoulder. They pulled up at the hospital. Angel jumped out first to help Cordelia out of the car. As she pulled close to him he looked in deep in her eyes. He could smell and see the fear in her eyes. He slid his hand in hers to show support and Buffys eyes fell to the ground. Cordelia and Angel walked down the bright, sterile hospital corridor where they could see Willow and Oz sitting. Willow ran up to Cordelia and flung her arms  
around the brunettes neck.   
  
"Cordelia, Oh I'm so glad your here. He's really ill and...oh Cordelia I'm sorry."  
  
Willow had been saying sorry ever since Cordelia and Oz had caught her and Xander kissing. Oz had forgiven her but Cordelia hadn't forgiven either of them. Willow had always felt it was her and Xanders betrayal that made her flee Sunnydale.  
  
"Where is he? Oh Hiya Oz, still the wolf-boy then. God, Oz I didn't mean that, I'm just sort of...on edge." Cordelia shifted closer to Angel. She didn't belong here, with any of them. Her place was in LA with Angel and Wesley, maybe she had never belonged in Sunnydale.  
  
Buffy coughed behind them. "I'll take you to him. He's in a bad way so don't mind the tubes or the monitors around him."  
  
"Do you want me to go with you? You know support." Angels voice full of concern and the fact he was here at all was enough to give her support.  
  
"Nah I'll be fine. I think it's best. He isn't all bloody and icky is he?" Cordelias nose scrunched at the thought. She walked slowly into the room that held Xanders frail body. He wasn't the Xander she had left in Sunnydale, this Xander was unable to move, he couldn't bark out his come-back wit. He was a shell. She felt a sob rise in her throat and felt tears well up in her eyes.   
  
"Cordy, you came." Xander whispered, "I didn't think you would. How's LA?"  
  
"Oh my god Xander look at you, look at what she's done to you. So much for Buffy being the Big Protector." Cordelia glided to his side.   
  
"She couldn't stop this, don't blame her. It's my fault. I was always trying to be the Defender all the time. I guess I'm just a normal human being after all." Xander tried to sit up. His face winced at the pain that riddled his body. He was almost there only to be pushed down by Cordelia.  
  
"Stay there you moron and get some sleep. Me, Wesley and...Angel are gonna help find this thing. We'll help you get better. I promise." She looked to the ground to stop him seeing the tears in her eyes. When she looked back he was asleep, his face still and at peace. "Well you might as well come in Angel. I know your there." Angels form peeled out from the shadows. He slipped his arms around her waist. She turned and her tears fell freely from her eyes, she was unable to hold them back. He felt the wetness through his shirt.   
  
Buffys heart stopped at the scene in front of her. She coughed lightly and the couple spun round. "Giles said you can both stay with him. I never told him about...well you being together. Cordelia did you tell Xander about you and Angel?" She looked at Xander with sadness in her eyes. "Well it either killed him or you never told him."  
  
"No I didn't tell him. Do you really think I hate him that much? I loved him once not that he ever noticed. No he was too busy trying to prove himself to you. You realise that's why he's in here. He only wanted to defend you." Cordelia retorted and walked out of the room.  
  
Angel turned to Buffy. "Look what you've done, she's hurting as well you know. Give her a break and stop acting like your the only one who matters here." Angel left Buffy standing there, her mouth open. Her Angel had just stood up for Cordelia.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Read On 


	5. Playing Catch Up

Disclaimer is on Chapter One. The is the Fifth part in the Lost Years Series.  
Summary: Wesley has a fun day out, Xander and Cordelia have a heart to hear, and why is Cordelia ill?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Chapter 5   
+++++++  
  
Back in LA:  
----------------  
  
Anastasia found Wesley drinking coffee while trying to look at a map of 'LA's Finest Tourist Attractions. "Hey ho pops. You do realise that maps upside down." Anastasia breezed "So where are we going? Oh please and none of that Universal Studio thing. I wanna see the real LA.  
  
"Well I thought we could go to the Hollywood Walk of Fame since your in the business, well to a point plus it's a tourist thing to do. I can pick up something for Cordelia. She has always wanted to be an actress you see. Then I think maybe a museum, I know it may seem boring but they are quite good here. There's the Californian African American Museum or the Hollywood Wax Museum. You pick. How about dinner in Planet Hollywood and a trip to Griffith Park. It's like Central Park in New York except in LA. Xander did take you to Central Park I take it. It's a joggers paradise here. If you've got time we could go to the Santa Monica Pier. We can get some ice-cream, go on the carousel and then watch the sun set. The beach is great there as well. What do you think?"  
  
"I think it sounds great and not a Universal Studio in sight. I can't wait. One question, can we take the bike? It is so cool. Please, pretty please."  
  
"OK I guess. but you will wear a helmet and you'll need to put a little more on than what your wearing. I'll take you back to the hotel so you can get a jacket. I don't know you think from living in England you would wear a jacket everywhere." Wesley sat shaking his head looking like an old headmaster.  
  
"Look who became all father-like all of a sudden. I don't know, your told you have a daughter and you age about 10 years. What will we do with you." Anastasia now had a smile her face. She fondly sat and looked at her father. She felt her life complete after many years of searching. He could see his love for her in his  
eyes.  
  
"Yes quite so...I'm starting to miss Cordelia and Angel somewhat. I don't know why." Wesley said shaking his head.  
  
"Oh don't dwell on this please. Come on we have a full day ahead, thanks to your Watcher planning. Anyway first stop, where?"  
  
"Oh," Wesley hesitated, "Ah yes the Hollywood Wall of Fame." They set off on their day of exploration stranger and finished up as best friends. Wesley had several rolls of film and he cherished them dear to his  
heart. They had both bought print postcards of some of the art in the Californian African American Museum. The best part of the day came when they went to the Santa Monica Pier to go on the carousel. He looked at Anastasia and realised no matter the pressures she had on her and how wise she may seem, she was still a child. He watched the sun set in the marbled-orange sky and smiled as she fell asleep in his arms. He had his family back at last. Christina would be so proud of her now. He found himself wondering what Cordelia and Angel were up to.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Later that night in Sunnydale:  
----------------------------------------  
  
Giles was in the kitchen making tea and Angel sat staring at the sleeping Cordelia. She was beautiful when she was like this, not that she wasn't at any other time. She seemed as if their world of demons and vampires didn't exist. He had brought this world to her. She had left Sunnydale probably hoping to leave that behind as well as everything else. But he had brought it back when he rescued her from the vampire all those years ago. She told she didn't mind it. She wouldn't be who she was if it did. She was amazing, even when he had turned into Angelus, she still forgave him. He had said some horrible things that night but she had the ability to separate his Angelus form her Angel. She had try to tell him time and time again. He would have to start listening to her at some point.  
He watched her as she began to stir. Her face turned toward him. She had tear tracks down her face, her eyes were red. She had been crying. She started to mutter, he could hardly hear her except he caught his own name. She turned backward and forward. A strangled scream filled his ears and he dived to her side.  
  
"Cordelia, Cordelia wake-up. Please honey, your having a bad dream." Angels' voice full of fear.  
  
Her eyes flew open and the fear slowly dissolved. "Oh god Angel i thought...I seen him kill you. I thought i had lost you. Oh Angel hold me, never leave me please." She broke down in his arms. He could do little but promise and stroke her long curls. He felt his heart weep.  
  
He gathered her limp form in his arms and carried her up stairs. "Giles, me and Cordelia are going to bed. See you in the morning."  
  
"Yeah that's fine. Make sure Cordelia gets some rest."  
  
Angel tenderly put Cordelia down on the bed. She looked up him with eyes containing the pure wickedness that Angel had grown to love about her. He had seen that look before, he had just returned for Sunnydale realising it wasn't Buffy he belong with. He had thought it meant Sex, but his Cora only wanted him there beside her. Just to hold her, be there when she woke up. He watched her till he smelt the sunrise and drifted off into his world of slumber  
  
The Next Morning:  
---------------------------  
  
Angel awoke to find the space beside him empty but still warm. Cordeila had left several hours ago to go and visit Xander in the hospital. Xander lay in front of her, tubes coming out of his arms and wired attached to his chest. The monitors around him bleeped giving Cordelia the false sense of hope that he was still going to live. She tiptoed silently up to him.   
  
Xander felt her as she enter the room, still feeling her eyes on his face as she stood by his bed watching him. He forced the strength that was keeping him alive to open his eyes and look at her.  
  
"Hey you, you should be resting." Cordelia said smiling fondly at the still form in front of her.  
  
"I've been resting for three months Cordelia, I want to catch up. So what have you been doing." Xander asked knowing that his Cordelia would love nothing more than to talk about herself.  
  
Cordelia shifted her feet and looked to the floor. "Em...nothing that exciting. Just the usual visions, demon slaying, weird things happening stuff. I guess LA is a bit like Sunnydale except we have famous people and it's bigger."  
  
"Glad to know Cordelia. You look really well. You glow and everything." Cordelia giggled and Xander looked back at her. "What?"  
  
"I sure don't think I have been glowing recently in fact I've been sick everyday this month and I'm losing so much weight, not that is a bad thing. But if i'm glowing I can't be that ill. Xander I don't understand why you asked me to come here."  
  
Xander dropped his eyes to the bed. "I wanted to say goodbye. I know no matter what Buffy says, I'm dying and that I haven't got long left. I have so many things I want to say to you if I saw you again. I'm sorry, for everything. I mean that. I hurt you so badly, I know I did. I guess I knew I did but you covered it so well so I just left it. But it is time to make amends. Please don't hate Willow anymore, hate is bad. I need to say so much..." Xander struggled to take a breath.  
  
"Xander it's OK. I understand. I've forgiven you a long time ago. You should get some rest. I'll come back later."   
  
Cordelia walked out of the private room and found Angel sitting in the chairs outside his room. Angel stood up and put his arms around her as she sobbed lightly into his chest. She lifted her head look at him as she opened her mouth she felt the urge to be sick again. Angel tried to grip her as she spun in his arms and flew towards the toilet again. When she emerge the look of concern hadn't left his face.  
  
"God Cordelia you look paler than me. What is wrong with you? You've been like this for a month now. I tell you what we're in a hospital, you ill, why don't we see a doctor here." Angel noticed a nurse walking down the corridor. "Excuse me Nurse, can we see a doctor here? My girlfriend isn't feeling too well."  
  
"Yeah sure if you have cover. Try the next floor down." The nurse continued on her way down the corridor.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Read On 


	6. No one Is To Blame

Disclaimer in part One. Part Six in the Lost Years Series.  
Summary: Cordelia and Angel receive good news but as happiness ascends, guilt is just as powerful. As  
one door opens another must close.   
It took a while to get this up due to the fact that it is too close to home to write without crying. I'm  
sorry but the rating had to be bumped up on this due to swearing and upsetting themes.   
I would like to dedicate this to my mum because she is ill right now and reading this has made her  
laugh if not made her think I am mad! Last and least to my dad-you'll never know what you've been  
missing.  
  
*********************************************************************************************************************************  
Chapter 6  
++++++++  
  
Angel took Cordelia by he hand and took her to the doctors on the next floor. She sat quietly on the  
waiting chairs as Angel gave her details to the receptionist.  
  
"Right, two minutes and he'll be free to look at you." Angel sat there holding her hand and  
Cordelia sat nervously fidgeting.  
  
"Miss Chase please." The doctor called, "Please take a seat. What seems to be the problem?"  
  
"I seem to be being sick all the time but I feel perfectly fine. I can't keep anything down. I was  
sick for the third time today about 10 minutes ago."  
  
"Right I see, have you eaten anything unusual lately? Or been ill in any other way?"  
  
Cordelia looked at Angel and back to the doctor. "No I haven't, I've just been sick. Do you know what  
it is?"  
  
"Miss Chase would you mind if we did a pregnancy test?"  
  
Cordelia looked in shock at Angel who looked the same, before Angel stuttered. "No it can't be  
possible. I can't have children as far as we know. There must be something else."  
  
"Your girlfriend is showing all the signs of being around three months pregnant. Miss Chase?"  
  
"Yeah sure, but like Angel said there is no way that, we know of, that I could be pregnant."  
  
Cordelia followed the doctor behind the screen. Angels senses heighten as he smelt Cordelias blood.  
He took 2 test tubes full and told them both to come back in two hours for the results.  
  
Cordelia left via the front entrance into the sunlight while Angel left via the sewers, much to  
Cordelias dismay. They met up at Giles who was busy giving a lecture at the University, having got the  
job when Maggie Walsh died. The sat in silence till Cordelia piped up.  
  
"So do you think it's possible? I mean Vampires aren't allowed to have kids. There's a rule isn't  
there? Angel look at me." She reached for his face, bringing it to her gaze. "Angel what if it's true? I  
mean will it be normal? I couldn't go through the demon baby thing again." She looked at Angel. "Do  
you even want a baby?"  
  
Angel stared at her in shock. "Come on Cordelia you know I do. I always wanted a big family. I  
guess I haven't thought about it since I was turned. I love you very much, I really would love for you  
to be pregnant but I know about the rules."  
  
"Angel the rules, in your case have gone to the dogs. I mean Vampires aren't meant to have a  
soul, they aren't meant to fall in love with Slayers or have human seers. The very fact that you have  
an anchored soul means that the rules don't apply anymore. What is everyone going to say about this  
one? I mean Buffy will be pissed, very pissed. Giles will think I'm just one big experiment, I mean I bet  
he's never heard of a Vampire making a human pregnant. Then there is the money thing. Babies cost  
money and judging by what you pay me I don't think that we have a lot of money to spare."  
  
"Cordelia don't worry about money. You think that after 250 years of travelling around that I  
wouldn't know how to save money? Money isn't a problem."  
  
"A nursery as well, where are we going to put it? All that junk in the guest room is going to cost  
a fortune to put into storage. Then there is the whole problem that no one has that none of us  
thought of...our occupation. We havoc the most dangerous job in LA. For goodness sake Angel, we slay  
demons for a living. How are we meant to bring up a baby in that kind of world?"  
  
"We'll have to consider that later down the line. God I sound like Giles."  
  
Cordelia punched him feebly. "Angel seriously. You a vampire that kills demons for his redemption and  
I an the worlds first human seer, for whom, I get visions from ghostly people I will never meet. Not  
forgetting Wolfram and Hart. If they find out about this they will use it to get to you like they used  
me in the never-ending visions saga. You see why I am scared?"  
  
Angel pulled her into his embrace. "I won't let anything happen to you, you know that."  
  
"What about you? What if you get staked and I'm left all alone to cope with a baby. What if the  
baby can't go out into the daylight and drinks blood instead of milk. This baby could suck me dry in the  
nine months I have to carry it. What if it is part of Angelus?" Tears began to fall down her face. "God  
Angel what have we done?"  
  
Angel smiled softly. "That's all taken care of. As for Angelus, he's no longer a part of me so he won't  
be a part of the baby."  
  
"What if the baby isn't a 'Baby'." she asked, her fingers making inverted commas around the  
word Baby.   
  
"Cordelia we don't even know if there is a baby yet. Come on, we'll go back to the hospital and  
see the doctor. He'll tell us if your pregnant and we'll take it from there. We better get going before Giles  
and Buffy come back from the University."  
  
The sun had finally set as Cordelia and Angel walked hand in hand into the doctors office to get the  
results of the test.  
  
"Well Miss Chase, I have the pleasure of good news for you," He looked in Angels direction. "I  
think. The tests confirm you are three and a half months pregnant. Now I see from your records you  
live in LA so I was wondering if you would like your scan here or in LA."  
  
Cordelia looked at Angel with a huge grin on her face. "Can we get it done here, now?"  
  
"Yeah sure, I'll make an appointment for about 15 minutes. It is good news I take it." He looked  
again in Angels direction.   
  
"Yeah. yeah it is. " Angel said shaking the doctors outstretched hand violently. "Great news."  
  
Cordelia lay on the soft white bed as the nurse ran the scanner across her stomach. Angel kept his  
hand firmly clamped on his as a blurred image of a moving tadpole- like shaped appeared on the screen.  
The nurse pointed out the small tadpole as the beginning of their baby. Angel stared in awe at the  
screen as Cordelia stared at his face. 'Just as well he has an anchored soul or this would be one big  
happie.' She thought to herself. As if response Angel gave her hand a little squeeze in support. The  
nurse turned up the monitor and a steady, single heartbeat filled the air. They both got copies of the  
picture on the monitor and Cordelia got dressed behind the screen.   
  
They both walked out of Anti-natal wing straight into an unsuspecting Willow.  
  
"Oh hey guys. I didn't expect to see you here. Xanders ward is on the other side of the  
hospital."  
  
"Yeah we know. We had some...stuff to do first." Cordelia said nervously.  
  
"Oh right. Angel your taking the employer protection thing a bit to far aren't you? I'm sure  
Cordelia can visit the hospital on her own."  
  
Cordelia felt Angel squeeze her hand and she simply nodded her approval. "Willow, Cordelia and I are  
together now. Have been for about 2 years."  
  
Willows expression of joy remained only betrayed by a slight flash in her eyes. "Oh I'm so happy for  
you. I kinda guessed when you showed up at the hospital. You have a kinda electric ora around you.  
Does Buffy know?" Willow asked tentatively.  
  
"Yeah she kind of caught me and Angel taking a shower together when she came to LA to get  
me. Willow please don't tell anyone else. I don't know how Xander would take it." Cordelia blinked back  
both tears of joy and sadness.  
  
"So why the visit to the Neo-natal clinic then?"  
  
Cordelia couldn't help the infectious smile appearing on her face, on looking at Angel she found the  
same smile. "Well duh Willow it was for me. We've just found out that I'm 2 and half months  
pregnant!"  
  
Willow let out an almighty scream and her face beamed as she threw her arms around Cordelias neck.  
Cordelia responded in genuine kind. "Congratulations. But I thought Vampires couldn't have babies and  
Angel tends to get big happies when you do the thing that makes babies." Willows face turned the  
same colour as her hair.  
  
"Oh Willow get with the script. The first part we haven't figured out yet but as far as the  
second part, happies, go he can't get them anymore because I anchored his soul." Cordelia exclaimed  
proudly. "But don't breathe a word to anyone, not even Buffy knows, or I'll wring your neck  
Rosenburgh. Care to join us for a celebration?"  
  
The three headed to the Bronze where they ordered a bottle of Champagne with a layer of dust so  
think it probably dated back to Liams heyday, Angels joke not Cordelias.  
  
Back In LA:  
----------------  
  
Wesley smiled proudly as he watched Anastasia parade in front of the cameras. She was a natural and  
the camera loved her. He had did some thinking the night before while watching her sleep. He wanted  
to get to know her, make up for all the years he had missed. She was due to fly back to Italy the next  
day and he was facing the harsh reality of losing her all over again. It broke his heart. He had two  
choices; stay in LA and visit Anastasia when ever he could or go with her, move where she moved and  
help her. It would mean giving up Angel Investigations and leaving behind one family to regain his  
other. It was a tough choice but it had to be done. Anastasia had finished her photo shoot and began  
walking towards him. Wesley stood up and wrapped a coat around her shoulders.  
  
"Anastasia, I need to talk to you about something important. How would you feel if I decided to  
follow you, when you leave LA, become like your watcher? I mean I would understand if you said no."  
  
Anastasia stared at Wesley in awe. "You want to give up LA and become my watcher? I would love you  
to but what about Angel and Cordelia? They need you here, I can cope on my own."  
  
"You don't want me to come." Wesley said the hurt in his voice. "I have just found you and now  
you don't want me to come with you? I want to come because I couldn't bear to lose you, not when I  
have just got used to the idea of having you round. I thought you would like that. Angel and Cordelia  
don't need me here really they have each other and Gunn when he's around. They managed when  
Doyle, their first seer died and left just the two of them. They have each other, that's why Doyle  
gave Cordelia the visions. They'll understand. So what do you think?" Wesley asked in hope.  
  
"What do I say? I say great. You realise I fly out tomorrow." Wesley nodded his head. "Well  
then lets go to the agency and TELL them your my dad. Oh I can't believe this is happening."  
Anastasia flung her arms around her fathers neck as he beamed in both pride and joy. His life was  
finally back on track.  
  
In Sunnydale:  
-------------------  
  
After the run in with Willow both Angel and Cordelia had gone back to the hospital to see Xander.  
Angel wanted to settle his peace with Xander while Cordelia just wanted to say goodbye. They had  
decided to go back to LA to tell Wesley the good news and to find out about what happened and why  
Cordelia could be pregnant, also Anastasia was leaving the next day and they both wanted to wish her  
luck. Angel walked calmly into Xanders room while Cordelia sat down on the chairs outside, the orange  
juice that Angel had let her drink instead of champagne was beginning to want to come back up. Angel  
unintentionally crept up on Xanders bed. He was sitting awake with a new oxygen mask fixed to his  
face.  
  
"Hey dead-boy, How's the un-life?" Xander tried to laugh but the strength wasn't there.  
  
"You know Xander, unbeating. I thought I would just come and say goodbye, settle things  
between us. I know you don't approve of what happened between me and Buffy, but that's finished  
now. I've moved on and so has she. You realise that things could have been so different between me  
and you and you and Cordelia. You were just to wrapped up in Buffy to notice how much she loved you.  
But that is in the past and now is the past, each day a gift."  
  
"Way to go with the speech Angel. Listen I know I've only got a few days left. I wanted to say  
sorry. I know I didn't make things between you and Buffy easy but I was jealous. My jealousy always  
got in the way of what was really going on. I want you to promise me one thing, I know Cordelia is tied  
to you with these visions, protect her. She is weak in so many ways, she may not admit it but she  
needs someone there to rely on, promise me you'll take care of her unlike I could." Angel turned away,  
not looking at his eyes. "Promise me?"  
  
Angel hesitantly looked at the floor. "I promise. I'll always be there when she needs me." Angel turned  
an walked away leave Cordelia to say her goodbyes.  
  
Cordelia walked slowly into the near silent room. She had waited ten minutes after Angel left to get  
her thoughts together. When she enter the room Xander was sleeping soundly. She sat in the chair  
and rested her head on his bed. She sat watching the regular rise and fall of Xanders chest, knowing  
that it was the only indication now that he was alive. His rhythmic breathing gently calm her thoughts  
and she watched intensely until she notice his breathing sudden slow. She watched unable to react  
until the monitor started bleeping it's hurried alarm. Cordelia stared in horror as his chest stopped  
dead. The doctors came running in, forcing her out of the room. She could do little but watch through  
the glass door that lead to Xanders room as the doctors brought him back then watched him  
disappear as the electricity jolt lost effect. She watched the scene unfold for 15 minutes, though it  
could have been forever to her, till the doctor looked at his watch and shook his head. Cordelias mind  
desperately screamed for her to make them try again but her heart told her it was futile. She  
slumped to the chair when the doctor had told her he was dead, but she couldn't except it. Cordelia  
sat and thought about the memories they shared then decided that it would be her that told the  
Scooby Gang about Xander. She climbed in the convertible and began the short journey to Giles. She  
walked through the door an empty haggard shell of the women who had just been told three hours  
previously that she was 2 and a half months pregnant.  
  
"Ah your back Cordelia, we were getting worried about you. We had a phonecall from Wesley  
he..." The tears started to fall form her eyes again, stopping Giles mid-sentence. "Goodness Cordelia  
what's wrong?"  
  
"Giles is everybody here." Buffy and Willow came from the kitchen carrying cups of coffee  
while Angel sat looking concerned at Cordelia. Riley sat on the sofa as far away from Angel as he could  
get. "Um, I've just come from the hospital." The tears fell in ernest. "I'm sorry, Xander died at 7:30  
tonight. There was nothing the doctors could do." Cordelia crumbled to the chair as Angel rushed to  
her aid and put his strong arms around her, pulling her close to his chest.  
  
Willow sat sobbing next to Giles who was staring blankly into space. Buffy was over by Riley who was  
sitting listening to her whispers of what she could have done to save him. The room descended into  
silence excepted from the sobbing coming from the three women who were closest to Xander.  
Cordelia, Buffy and Willow. He had loved them all and now they would only have memories in common.  
Buffy re-erected her Slayers shell and targeted Cordelia.  
  
"Why didn't you phone us, we could have been there when he died. We were the closest to him  
you know. You have been so selfish."  
  
Cordelias 'Queen C' resurfaced. "How dare you. It's your fault he's dead you bitch. He didn't want  
you there because he knew he was dying. He wanted you to remember like he was, the knight in shining  
armour that always had a goofy come-back comment. God Buffy you think that you of all people would  
understand that. After Willow you were his second choice I was always third on that list. Let it go and  
let me grieve, go knows I'm good at it by now. I might have seen only seen two people I care so much  
about die and you've seem many but I'm not you."  
  
"No but you have everything I ever wanted. You got Angel, when I couldn't have him. You done  
what I couldn't in anchoring his soul. You were there when Xander died. You were never part of us  
Cordelia." Buffy retored turning away.  
  
"No I wasn't and you will never be part of anything." Cordelia muttered to her advancing back.  
  
Buffy snapped round in lighting speed. Her hand flew up to Cordelias face and with a crack sent her  
backward into the chair. Riley sprung up to restrain Buffy as Willow got to her feet.  
  
"Watch out Buffy, she's preg..." Willow trailed off.  
  
"She's what Willow?" Buffy shouted.  
  
"Oh great one Willow. What ever happened to keeping a secret? What Willow wasn't meant to  
tell you is that I'm two and a half month pregnant." Cordelia watched helplessly as the shocked faces  
echoed around the room.   
  
Buffy looked at Angel in discust. "She cheated on you and you still take her back. You've changed  
Angel, and I can't say for the better."  
  
"She didn't cheat on me." Angel watched Buffys confused closely. "The baby is mine. We don't  
know how, proberbly a side effect of the anchoured soul, we don't know. But we're happy."  
  
Giles stared in disbelief at Cordelia. "Does nobody tell me anything these days, Cordelia and Angel are  
together and they stayed under my roof, Angel has an anchoured soul, and Cordelia is expecting his  
baby. I'm a watcher I'm meant to know about these things. I have to know about these things. But the  
main concern here is Xander. Someone will have to tell his parents."  
  
"I've done that, they said we could arrange the funeral if we wanted to. We were the closest to  
him." Cordelia answered still nursing her redden cheek.  
  
"Right I will start on that. Buffy, Riley, Willow why don't you go to the Chapel of Rest and see  
him? It might help. I will stay here and research the obvious. Oh Cordelia, Wesley phoned. He's going  
to go with Anastasia when she flies out tomorrow night. He says he'll understand if you aren't coming  
back to LA just yet but he says goodbye and he'll be back in a month when Anastasia is back in town.  
Who's Anastasia? On second thought I don't want anymore surprises. I might have a heart attack."  
  
5 Days Later:  
-------------------  
  
The remaining members of the Scooby Gang listened as people came and said words about a man they  
hardly knew. Xander had met and saved lots of people but none of them really knew him. Cordelia sat  
wiping a solitary tear that ran down her face, without Angel by her side. The daylight that Buffy had  
insisted for the funeral to be held in stopped him supporting her. Buffy sat on the opposite side of  
the bench from Cordelia, Rileys hand firmly clapped in hers. She had insisted on daylight saying that  
night had killed him but the daylight should remember him. Willow sat in the middle of the feuding  
parties, staring blankly at the tombstone that read:  
  
You Lie Where Evil Is No More  
We Will Remember You Always  
Thank-You  
  
Alexander Harris  
1980-2004  
  
His coffin lay shrouded with a simple gold dagger engraved on the coffin for protection. The sun  
shone and the birds sung, it was unlike any day Sunnydale had seen. Live breathed as one was gone and  
laid to rest.   
  
Cordelia and Angel didn't stay for the wake, sensing the hostility and wanted to return to their home,  
which was now minus Wesley, they left as soon as the sun set. Angel let out a sigh of relief as the  
'Welcome To Sunnydale' sign faded into the blackened night. Now they could focus on the new  
challenges, the new baby on the way.  
  
2 Months Later In LA:  
-------------------------------  
  
Cordelia awoke from a restless night, caused by a sore back, to feel a warm wetness and her cream  
night-gown soaked to her skin. She gently pulled back the covers, much to Angels disapproval as he  
rolled and grunted in her sleep. Cordelia looked down at her legs and let out a piercing scream. Her  
cream night-dress was crimson from the blood that had now started to seep into the bed clothes. Her  
scream jolted Angel from his sleep to find Cordelia still staring at her legs.  
  
"Cordelia what's wrong?" He followed her gaze to her legs. "Oh shit. Cordelia look at me." He  
pulled her face around to meet his. "God we have to call the doctor." Angel dialled the doctors number  
and in muted tones told him what happened before slamming the receiver back on it's perch. He  
looked at Cordelia, who was still and crying. "Cordelia are you OK? He says I've to get you something  
warm to drink and you have to get out of these wet things." He pulled the sodden night-dress over her  
head to reveal her stark figure. Her weight had plummeted due to her excessive morning sickness.  
She had , had morning sickness ever since the beginning but it got steadily worse until she had finally  
given in and gone to the doctors. He had gave her a perception for the sickness but nothing had  
worked. Having now wrapped Cordelia in one of his woolly jumpers and his bathrobe he headed over to  
the kitchen to make her tae. He heard a firm knock at the door and the doctor rushed straight over  
to Cordelia, who was still staring into space in shock.  
  
"Mr Chase can you give me and your girlfriend a moment please. I need to examine her." The  
doctor looked into Angels eyes with pity. He knew what the outcome would be.  
  
The doctor spent the next half hour in the bedroom with Cordelia while Angel paced in the living room.  
His pacing stopped as the doctor emerged from the bedroom.   
  
"Cordelia is resting now. I'm sorry Mr Chase but she lost the baby earlier on tonight. I can't be  
sure but I think she was suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum. We don't know what caused it but  
there was nothing that could have been do this far on. I gave her something to slow down the blood  
loss and a sedative to help her sleep. It should be over in a few hours. She lost most of the blood  
during the night. If she starts being sick again or falls ill get her to ER straight away. Again Mr Chase  
I am very sorry." The doctor let himself out leaving Angel to cry in the dark.  
  
Angel sat and cried for two hours, thoughts running through his mind, 'Why did this have to happen to  
us? We didn't do anything wrong. No this wasn't meant to happen. We were meant to be a family, get  
married, have kids, she was meant to grow old while I stayed and looked after the kids. This wasn't  
how it was meant to be.' He picked himself off the sofa and wandered through to the half finished  
nursery and sat on the floor. Having finally decided on the type of blue Cordelia thought that their  
baby boy would like to have, they started painting three day before hand. They had been painting the  
last wall when Cordelia had cried out in surprise as the baby gave it's mother it's first kick. She had  
sat on the sofa in the living room fansinated, waiting for the next kick. He felt the wetness of his  
tears on his cold skin, the pain breaking his heart. His mourning was shattered by a cry from the  
bedroom. He rushe in to find Cordelia sitting up right in he changed bed crying. He climbed in beside  
her.  
  
"Oh Angel what have I done? I've killed our baby." She collapsed into his arms sobbing.  
  
He stroked her hair breathing in her scent and sharing in her tears. "It's OK honey, Cora you didn't  
kill him. There was nothing we could have done. It wasn't your fault. Oh Cora, it's going to be alright."  
They sat there in each other arms until Angel could take the pain of being in the room no more. "Cora,  
why don't you go snuggle up on the couch and I'll make some food for you. The doctor said you have to  
eat. Watch TV, read one of my books." She shook her head slightly.   
  
Angel picked her up as she grabbed the duvet from the bed and he placed her carefully on the sofa  
and switched on the TV. He headed through to the kitchen himself, busying himself making salad. He  
padded through to the living room with Cordelias meal only to find her standing in the doorway to the  
nursery. He slid his arms around her waist then suddenly letting her go. She turned to face him.  
  
"Where did it all go so wrong? It was all meant to be happy, you got your soul back, we got the  
baby. Then Xander died and Buffy got pissed at both of us. Now this. Am I cursed? I'm never meant  
to be happy. Angel I can't take this anymore." She glanced at their figures, standing apart. "See you  
can't even bear to touch me. You blame me."  
  
Angel felt the words stab at his heart like daggers. "No, no that's not it. This was not you fault  
believe me. I'm scared incase I hurt you. I don't know what to do either. This is hurting me as well. I  
need you to be here, to tell me how you feel. We're no alone." He wrapped her arms around her and  
pulled her in close. "We have to keep on going. First we have to get this back to a guest room, unless  
you want to keep it as a bedroom for the future  
  
"I'm not even thinking about the future anymore. I just want to move on, not forget, just move  
on. Can we have a funeral, I want to say goodbye? I want somewhere to go. Angel, this was meant to be  
our chance to be normal, and now he's gone. It sounds so silly but I had already a name picked out.  
William, I know it was Spikes old name but it is English for Liam. I wanted to keep a bit of you in case  
something happened to you." Cordelia turned her gaze back to the room.  
  
"I know there's a cove where I used to go when I first came here to LA. It would be perfect.  
It can be reached and get back before the sun rises so it would be OK for both of us to go, together.  
We'll go there tomorrow night."  
  
Cordelia looked at Angel in hurt. "Why not tonight? I would like to go tonight."  
  
Angel increased his grip around her waist. "Cos honey, the doctor told you to get some rest, let me  
take care of things. Why don't you phone Willow, have a talk with her."  
  
Angel went into the nursery and started to tidy the paint tins and wallpaper. He heard Cordelia lift  
the receiver and dial a Sunnydale number.  
  
"Hey Willow, how's the Hellmouth?"  
  
"Hello Cordelia, Sunnydales fine. Isn't it a little early to be calling me? Has something  
happened?"  
  
Cordelia stifled back the fresh tears that threatened to fall. "Um Willow, I had some bad news today.  
I lost the baby last night."  
  
Willow gasped down the line. "Oh God Cordelia. Are you OK? How's Angel taking it?"  
  
"I'm fine. It happened over last night so I never knew until the morning. The doctor said I  
should be OK. Angel hurting, I know he is. His trying to be strong for me but I can feel his heart  
breaking. I can't stand being closed up down here. There is too many memories."  
  
"Cordelia you should know that Angel lets his feelings out. You told he that was what you loved  
about him, his mystery. Why don't you me t Sunnydale, you and Angel, for a break? Buffy is in LA for  
a while with Riley and the demon population is under control, so no need to slay. And the apartment has  
a spare room." Willow said hoping to help Cordelia.  
  
"I don't think Angel will come but I will, sound like what we need. So Buffy is in LA, I better  
stay underground in case I run into her. I know I'm not Buffys favourite person but I really couldn't  
take the slagging match she'll fling me about stealing Angel. I'll go ask him and I'll give you a call back  
in an hour." She slowly rose off the couch, careful no to cause herself anymore pain.  
  
She found Angel sitting on the floor, his hands to his face. She gently pulled his hands away to find  
crimson tear tracks down his face. "Angel please don't cry, we need to be strong for each other. We  
need to get on with things, you said so your self. Willow invited us to go to Sunnydale, Buffy is in LA so  
I doesn't sound like a bad idea. We can get away from here, this apartment, please Angel I can't  
stand being caged up in here, with the memories." She looked longingly into his deep chocolate eyes.  
  
"Cordelia, I'm not going back to Sunnydale again, I thought we agreed. If Buffy is in LA then it  
is a great chance to wipe the slate clean with her."  
  
"Angel I need to get away from here. The only reason you are still with me is because of the  
baby. Well he's gone and I will be soon. Angel I am going to Sunnydale, with or without you. You deal  
with death differently from me. I cry and cry then I get all neurotic, looking for coffee cups that  
were never there. You grieve by brooding and sulking. You're like a loner, you don't like to be  
disturbed or to talk to anyone. I need to be held, strong arms, and to rant about why this life is so  
fucked up. I need you but you won't be here. You'll be in your own little world of misery and darkness.  
Maybe Sunnydale is what I need." She ran her hands down his arms. "Just for a few days 'till Buffy  
gets back. If you change your mind you where I am." Cordelia left him still sitting in the nursery while  
she flung her case on the bed and began to pack.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cordelia pulled up in front of Willows apartment, the sun turning the brown leaves golden. The dull  
tones of Fall were out in Technicolor as the sun set, the moon waiting for the town to turn into the  
dark nightmare of demons. Cordelia watched as Willow descended the stairs, her red hair blowing in  
the breeze. They looked hesitantly at each other before Willow pulled Cordelia into a warm hug and  
they headed back into the apartment.  
  
"So no Angel then? Cordelia you look so ill and thin. I know you've just um...but you look as if you  
haven't eaten for weeks."  
  
Cordelia tugged nervously at her now baggy tank top. "Well it's one of the drawbacks of morning  
sickness for 3 and a half months. That was the reason I lost the baby. I went tot he doctors early on  
but what he gave me didn't work and I was too scared to go to the doctors. The doctor that came this  
morning told me if I had gone to the hospital they might have had to abort the baby." She blinked  
back the tears. "They would have killed my baby but instead I killed him. I was slowly poisoning him  
and myself so my body got rid of it." The tears refused to stay and flowed down her face in torrents.  
"I can still feel it, his life flowing out of my body, rejected. Angel is hurting so badly like when I first  
found him in LA, but it's ten times worse.. This time it isn't about Buffy, this time it's my fault, I'm  
causing his pain. Not all the tormented souls of the people he killed, not Buffy, not Angelus. Me!"  
  
Willow took the sobbing shell into her arms. "Cordelia it isn't your fault. You did not kill your baby. You  
couldn't have stopped it even if you moved heaven and earth. It's Fate, nothing stops it. Don't ever  
blame yourself about Angels pain, you didn't cause that. Your hurting as well but your feeling it worse  
because you blame yourself and you're refusing to face it. I know it hurts but the pain will heal and  
the memories of your baby will remain. You need to move on and look at what you have not what was  
going to be. Why don't you join me and Tara at the Bronze?"  
  
"Willow no offence but I don't feel like clubbing it tonight."  
  
"No, demons set fire to the bronze about a month or so ago, it's now a posh cafe. You need to  
eat and seeing poeple you used to know might help you to escape for a while."  
  
Cordelia snapped out of her deep thought. "Escape, escape is good. If it get too much for me I can  
always come back here. Can I just phone Angel first to tell him I got here OK?" Cordelia dialled the  
Angels number and distantly listened to it as the tone rang out.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Angel sat in the smoky bar, a whiskey glass in his hand. Cordelia had left him in the room that was  
meant to be filled with so much joy and laughter but now filled with hollow memories and sunken  
dreams. His family had disappeared over night. He knew deep down inside that he would never get  
another chance at a family and Cordelia had left him as well, only temporarily she claimed. His life was  
slipping back into his per-Sunnydale days with all the people he loved and cared about leaving him when  
things got to tough or someone better came along. Wesley, having found his real family, though a visit  
a month ago had shown him glowing with happiness. Buffy had given up his love when normal and  
breathing Riley came along. Now Cordelia had left him in both mind and spirit, she was in Sunnydale,  
needing space from his misery and darkness. He lifted the shot glass to his lips and drunk in the  
amber amnesia. To escape, for a moment, who he was his reward. Escape.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cordelia sat back on her bed after coming home from the Bronze after 30 minutes. The smiles and  
the normality was too much her and she felt her heart break with every peel of laughter she heard.  
The photographs of the second ultrasound sat out in front of her. Angel was going to frame then but  
she kept the second set, private to herself, they were all she had now. She was so wrapped up in her  
photos that she didn't hear the door behind her open.  
  
Buffy stood looking at HER room with the intruder sitting on HER bed. "Cordelia what the hell do you  
think you are doing here?" Buffy stood, her posture angrily directed at Cordelia.  
  
Cordelia turned to face Buffy, her face reddened by hours of crying, her eyes puffy and red from the  
salted tears that stung the cuts under them from rubbing. "What are you doing back Willow said that  
you were in LA."  
  
"My dad had to go away on business, anyway aren't you the one who is meant to be in LA with  
Angel?"  
  
Cordelia started to cry again. Buffy dropped her stance and walked slowly over the shaking figure that  
she a moment ago hated. "Cordelia what happened." She noticed the photos on the bed. "Are these of  
your baby?"  
  
"These were photos of my baby. It's all my fault, I did it. I couldn't stop it. It's all finished."  
  
Buffy sat on the bed next to Cordelia, and put her arm over her shoulder. "Cordelia your talking  
nonsense. What's all your fault? What couldn't you stop?"  
  
"I lost the baby." Cordelia sunk into Buffys hold and sobbed, her moaned blank in pain.   
  
Buffy held her as she cried her pain away. She sat in shock. Cordelia had lost her baby, Angels baby.  
If Cordelia was here that meant Angel would be to. She reconsidered when she realised that Angel  
would never come back to Sunnydale again after Xanders death. Her heart sank again. She consolingly  
as Cordelia muttered to herself, blaming herself again until she drifted off into a troubled sleep. She  
lay Cordelia down on the bed and went over to her computer to check her emails. She was disturbed  
by a light knock at the door. Buffy opened it to find a haggard Angel standing in her doorway.  
  
"God Angel, come in."  
  
Cordelia stirred as her senses felt him enter the building, her heart started to beat faster and her  
head all in a flutter. When she heard his soft voice she fully awoke.  
  
"Angel." She called from the other room searching for his solid figure. "Angel where are you."  
  
Angel barged past Buffy into her bedroom to find Cordelia sitting up in Buffys bed, her hair rumpled  
and her face scared with tear tracks. "Oh God Cora, I shouldn't have let you leave. I need you so  
badly. You have to come home with me tonight. I can't cope with this alone and neither can you." Angel  
caught sight of the all-ready packed bag by the bed. "Come on Cora, please come home with me."  
Cordelia nodded and Angel grabbed her bag. Cordelia stood up and walked slowly out of the apartment  
leaving Angel to say his thank-yous and goodbyes.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Read On 


	7. Ding Dong

Disclaimer in Part One. This is Chapter Seven in the Lost Years Series and the FINAL one because I've run out of ideas.  
Summary: When the going gets tough, Cordelia got going. Angel realises that life has reached it's end and most cope in denial. But it's a fluff filled fic because chapter six was so depressing.  
Dedications: I would like to dedicate this to my mum because she is ill right now and reading this has made her  
laugh if not made her think I am mad! Last and least to my dad-you'll never know what you've been missing.  
*********************************************************************************************************************************  
  
Two Months Later:  
--------------------------  
  
Cordelia paced around the apartment, two hours left and he would be back. She had two hours to make up her mind. She paced surrounded by memories she couldn't stand to be around anymore. Cordelia and Angel had made a pact that they would move on but the memories stopped her from doing this. Her bags were already packed and sitting on the bed ready to go. She walked past the bedroom that used to be the nursery. Angel had moved the cot out and put the spare bed back in. The pictures of her ultrasounds still adorned the walls. He had tried to make the months as painless as possible, tried to make sure she didn't blame herself but she saw it in his eyes everytime she looked into his eyes. It wasn't blame; it was pity. Willow had the same pity in her eyes when she had shown up in Sunnydale.   
*Cordelia still loved Angel with all her heart and she knew he loved her. He had whispered it in her ear as they lay in bed, two weeks ago, the passion expelled and sleep claiming her essence. The words had echoed around in her head as she tried to subdue the nightmares that had plagued her dreams. Dreams that were of what could of been that turned into nightmares as she watched her baby boy die in front of her eyes all over again. She woke with a start and found Angel sleeping soundly beside her. It was then she made the decision to leave. Angel would get another seer, he wouldn't have to wake up with pity in his eyes anymore and he could forget her. She would come back when she became the person she was before Xander died, before William died.*  
She walked solemnly through the apartment to their bedroom, drinking in every smell and sight locking them deep in her thoughts. She called the cab firm from her cell phone so Angel couldn't trace her call. 6 and a half years working in a private investigations had taught her many lessons like how to stay one step ahead and how to stay hidden. She scribbled a note to Angel explaining how she needed to find what she had lost. The cab driver put her bags in the trunk and Cordelia watched as Angel Investigations faded into the darkness, guilt's lead weight hitting her like a sledgehammer.  
  
  
Angel walked into the A.I building immediately sensing something was wrong, he couldn't feel Cordelia anywhere yet he was surrounded around her scent. He stormed down to the apartment, still not sensing her. He moved through the rooms shouting her name receiving no reply. Angel stopped in his tracks spotting the white crisp note lying on the coffee table in the lounge. He read it falling to the leather couch behind him.  
  
Angel.  
  
Forgive me please, I'm gone and I'm not coming back just yet. I cannot live here anymore, the pain is too much for me to handle. I love you so much, remember that OK but the pity I see in your eyes everyday and that on top of grief that is too much of a bitter pill for me. Don't try and find me 'Cos you won't. I have to find what I lost those months  
ago when Xander died then we lost William. I know you will understand, you've been here before. I'm sorry  
  
Love Your Cora.  
  
Angel sat with the note in his hand as bloody tears tracked down his face. He tried to rationalising with himself that she would be back within a week. He kept telling himself, his denial, for a year before things would change.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
One And A Half Years Later:  
----------------------------------------  
  
Cordelia sat looking out of the hospital window, watching the snow fall against the darkness. She had twenty minutes till work finished. The secretary job in the local hospital had came along at the right time for Cordelia, it provided excellent medical cover and they had playgroup on the middle floor. She sat twiddling the pen between her fingers. She had the apartment to tidy, formula to make up, cat to fed. Everyone in the office had gone home but she had stayed, she needed the money. Cordelia had revelled in the silence, the voices in her head had ceased as the power of visions were ripped from her head. 'Shit!' she thought to herself 'I need to get cat food, oh and I can't cart the carrier through the crowded hyper-market.' She looked at her watch. '15 minutes, no one will notice if I pop out and get back in time..' She never finished off her thought as she left through the office door.   
  
The supermarket had been packed with everyone getting last minute Christmas turkey and yams. She carried the bag of tinned food along the street, the empty street. She neared the hospital when a fledgling Vampire about 25 years dead jumped into her path. She screamed slightly before realising who she was.  
  
"Now don't scream and I won't make it hurt, much." The fledgling said slyly  
  
Cordelia swung the bag of cat food at his head hoping it would be enough to stun him. No such luck, he came back twice as angry.  
  
"Oh your gonna pay for that, slowly."  
  
Cordelia reached for the stake she kept in her purse. "Oh you young ones are all the same. 'I'm big and bad, grr, hear my roar.' You know it gets really tiresome sometimes. Get a new life, on second thoughts not a good idea I bet you were a jock in high school."   
  
The Vampire looked confusingly at Cordelia as she aimed for his heart and lunged forward. He stared at her unable to believe what she had done before disappearing in a swirl of dust. Cordelias head sprung up as her sensing heightened. She watched the well-built figure sprinted out of the shadows. Cordelia took a moment to register who  
was standing before her.  
  
"Angel? Angel is that you?"  
  
Angel stopped running, panting. "Cordelia? My god Cordelia I can't belie...I didn't think it was you."  
  
"Oh my god, Angel I'm so happy to see you. I've just dusted a va...what do you mean you didn't think it was me?"  
  
"My seer seen a girl with short brown hair being attacked by a Vampire, it was you. I can't believe you cut all your hair. Are you OK?"  
  
Cordelia stood in silence for a second realising the situation. Her Angel was standing in front of her, she hadn't seen him in a year and a half and all he was asking was what had she cut her hair for! "Yeah I'm fine. I thought I would try the short look, it's in this year. So you got a new seer then huh."  
  
Angel shifted nervously from foot to foot. "Yeah, he's a pain in the butt most of the time but I'm getting used to him, he's not you though. Um can I give you a lift home?"  
  
"Yeah sure, I have to stop off at the hospital, I've got to pick someone up."  
  
They pulled up in front of the stark concrete building while Cordelia jumped out into the hospitals entrance. Angel watched in wonder as she emerged carrying a baby carrier in her arms. She opened the back door and placed the carrier in the back, it's occupant sleeping soundly. Angel drove away but couldn't let the carrier issue lie.  
  
"So em...your with someone then?" He glanced back into the back seat then back at Cordelia.  
  
"No, I haven't since I left...um no she's 9 months old. Isn't she a cutie."  
  
Angel sat the rest of the journey in silence, unsure of what to say or when to say it. He had wished so many times for her to come back, just to speak to her, smell her again. He pulled up in front of her apartment across the city from A.I. Cordelia pulled the baby carrier out of the car.  
  
"You want to come in?." Cordelia asked begging for the answer to be yes.  
  
He slowly climbed out of car and went a head to open the door. He watched as Cordelia glided passed him, her scent knocking the wind out of him. He had missed that scent since it had finally cleared out of the apartment a week after she left. He woke up and it was gone. Cordelia placed the diper bag and the carrier on the large wooden coffee table in the lounge. Angel watched in amusement as Cordelia went around the apartment whispering 'Here Tigger, come get the food mummy has for you.' A ginger cat came strutting out of the bedroom and curled itself around Cordelias legs. Angels attention diverted again as the baby in the carrier stirred gently before drifting back into her dreamful land.  
  
"Cordelia so are you going to tell me who the baby is." Cordelia drifted back into the lounge and sat down on the opposite couch. "Well?"  
  
"This is Angelica, my baby girl. Her name means Daughter of an Angel." She studied his face for a reaction but found none. "Angel she's yours and mine. She's your daughter."  
  
Angel shot a look at Cordelia and then to the beautiful, raven-haired baby girl in the carrier. He saw the resemblance in her now he knew. He was looking at HIS DAUGHTER. His heart filled with joy and happiness as clear tears ran down his face. He stared again at Cordelia before pulling her into an embrace. "Can I hold her?"  
  
"Yeah just be careful not to wake her, she sleeps really well, like her father and she gets grumpy when she's woken up, like her father." Cordelia watched in awe as her greatest dream unfolded in front of her eyes. Angel sat cradling their tiny baby into his stark figure while she watched, taking it all in incase it was a cruel dream and it would disappear in front of her. "Your a natural. I guess I have some explaining to do. You see I left and PTB took away my visions. About a month after I left I was feeling ill again so I went to the doctors and they told me that I was pregnant. I tried to phone you to tell you but everytime you answered the phone I put it down. I was scared you would tell me that you didn't care or you had gone and done something stupid after I left. You wouldn't believe how many times I tried to write you a letter but it never came out the right way. I had the little girl your cradling in your arms and I was told that I couldn't have anymore children without killing myself in the process. I didn't get in touch then because you always wanted a big family but I couldn't give you that. I will never be able to."  
  
"Cora I can't believe you would think that, I love you, no matter what happens I will always love you. I was happy not to have a family; you are my family. I searched for you for nearly two years I never gave up but then I realised that you didn't want to be found. I understand why you left but why you didn't phone or write or visit. Does Angelica have any side effects of me?"  
  
"Yeah, she doesn't drink blood or have fangs but the doctors said her hearing and eyesight are unlike anything they've ever seen. She's fast as well, I have trouble keeping up with her now she's crawling. She hasn't started to walk yet thank goodness."  
  
"God Cora you have no idea how much I've missed you, are you coming back to me?  
  
"I've missed you just as much as you've missed me, I don't have any photos to look at. I will come back if you would have me. I promise I won't run off again. I found me again. I found my selflessness, I found the love I needed to our baby, I didn't have that after we lost William. I didn't think I deserved to be loved but then coming here made me realise that what happened wasn't my fault and I couldn't have stopped it. Look," She pulled herself reluctantly from his lap and went over to the dresser. She opened the draw and pulled out a leather bound book. "These are all the pictures I ever took of Angelica, her ultrasounds, a lock of her hair, everything. I was going to send it to you then again you probably would have thought it was from a wacky client. When do you want me to..."  
  
Her question was cut off by the shrill ringing of Angels mobile phone. The frantically searched for it, trying not to wake Angelica and talked in muted tones to the person on the other line.  
  
"That was Benjamin, my seer, more evil afoot in LA. My life doesn't stop, mainly because I won't let it! I'll come by tomorrow and pick up you and your stuff up. I'll turn the spare room back into a nursery." He stood up. "I better be going." Angel pulled Cordelia into his arms and kissed her passionately, exploring each other as if a life-time had passed between them, not 18 months. She expected his cold, tingling sensation but instead found warm, thumping lips. She shudder at the NW the feelings she feelings she felt running through her. Angel held her body close as her felt Cordelia gasp as his lips acceded on hers. His thoughts were drowned with the wonder if she knew his new found secret. They pulled apart, both breathing heavily. "I think I better...um...go. I'll be back tomorrow."  
  
Cordelia watched as Angels convertible faded into the background, feeling her life was back again. She sat on the couch in confusion. His warm lips, his need for breath were almost human except he still had a seer and fought in the darkness. She was still wondering as she fell asleep dreaming of her new life. She awoke the next day and set to  
work packing, she didn't have much stuff knowing that she wouldn't be there for a long time and she didn't exactly have the cash to buy lots of things. Cordelia was piling up the last box when her clock struck 2 in the afternoon. She sat down on the couch which she was leaving with her diet soda and turned up the radio. She was stunned to hear a knock at the door. Cordelia opened the door to find Angel standing there in the blazing sunlight, she simply stood stunned and silent.  
  
"Well can I come in?"  
  
"Oh my God Angel, your standing in the sunlight, not turning into the literal human fireball I hasten to add. What's going on?" Cordelia asked still shell shocked.  
  
"Well, if you let me past the door I'll explain everything." He strode past her, plonking himself on her couch. "Where's Angelica?" He asked knowingly playing with Cordelia as she stood before him, hands on her hips and an exasperated expression on her face.  
  
"She' sleeping in her crib. Now explain to me how you can show up here in the daylight, you come into my apartment UNinvited last night, and your lips aren't cold anymore. Your almost human unless...your Shansu happened. Oh my God, Angel are you human.  
  
Angel simply sat on the couch as he purposely built up the tension, smugly. "Yeah my Shansu came true. I'm human, no fangs, no Angelus, just a healthy beating heart. I just woke up one night, went into the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror, there I was. I must say I'm better looking than I first thought." He chuckled as he was hit, playfully, on the arm by Cordelia. "It was like your visions, one day they're there the next they're not."  
  
"Angel my visions didn't just disappear, they were ripped from my head. I was at my first day at the hospital and I felt a pain sear through my head like when I used to get vision but I felt them pulling at my head. It felt like they were pulling extra long hairs out of my legs. Then they were gone. I woke up to find myself on the neuro-psyc ward again except the voices were gone but the memories of all the people that we saved were still there. I guess they decided I wasn't worthy anymore huh?"  
  
"No, that was around the time that I receive my new seer. He told me you had lost them. If I had know I would have..."  
  
"What? Stopped them taking them, you couldn't do anything to stop them. My life goes on Angel. It was just as well 'Cos three days later I found out about Angelica and I doubt Visions + Pregnancy = Bliss, plus having Angelica takes up a lot of my time no so I wouldn't have time for the PTB little slide show."  
  
Angel beamed feeling his heartbeat accelerate and the butterflies flutter in his stomach. It was a new sensation to him and he didn't like it. He hesitantly got to his feet before dropping to his knees in front of Cordelia, smiling.   
  
"Get up you big auff." She shrieked trying to drag Angels muscular build off the floor.  
"Cordelia let me do this before I wimp out again. Cora, I have loved you for 8 years as my best friend and as a lover. I can't believe I left you ever get away from me." He reached slowly into his duster pocket and pulled out a little velvet box. "Now don't squeal or cry or get all gushy on me 'Cos you'll make me cry. Will you make me very happy and be my wife, please."  
  
Cordelias hands rushed to her face as emotions over came her. Angel pulled her hands apart to find glass tears trickling down her cheeks. She was crying, crying tears of joy.   
  
"You don't have to ask twice. Yes of course I will. I'll be your long suffering wife forever and ever." She flung her arms around his neck, feeling the comfort of a pulsing beat beneath her arms. He kissed her with joy and passion. He pulled away and began loading up the boxes to take Cordelia home.  
  
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6 Months Later:  
---------------------  
  
Angel stood at the top of the short runway, dressed in a black breasted jacket, white shirt and black trousers. He looked at all the people sitting on pews that were sinking into the sand, white and lemon roses adorning every pew end and vase that would stand up in the sand. He glanced over all the friends that sat under the canvas marquee. Will sat with Oz, he diamond ring catching the sunlight. Oz had come back to Sunnydale, still with his cool outer shell, confessing his love for the red-headed wicca, but seeing she was with Tara and back off. Tara has seen how much Willow loved Oz and grudgingly let her go. Willow flashed a smile at Angel her hand resting on her widening stomach. Wesley and Anastasia were sitting, glowing in the late June sunlight. Wesley sat clutching at the handkerchief in his hand incase the tears that glistened in his eyes actually feel. Anastasia, her head on Wesley shoulder, slept off the after effects of the long flight from Japan. Angel smiled proudly at Wesley, he had became the man Angel always thought he could be, given a chance. Angel turned back to the front, flashing a quick but nervous smile at the minister.  
  
The string quartet started up as the wedding march filled the air. Angel slowly turned to see Cordelia, dressed in a simple silk cream dress hugging in all the right places making Angel growl inwardly, white roses littered through her, now long, brown curls. Angelica toddled behind, in her pale lemon dress, easily keeping up with her mothers swift pace. Angel gazed deeply into Cordelias eyes as she turned to face him.  
  
The minister began. "Do you, Angel, take Cordelia to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, 'till death do you part?"  
  
Angel lifted her manicured hand and slipped the gold band, with an engraved A in a heart, over her finger. "I Do."  
  
"And do you, Cordelia, take Angel to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, 'till death do you part?"  
  
She slipped his ring over his finger, engraved with a C, and stared into his eyes. "You know I Do."  
  
"You may kiss the bride."  
  
Angel pulled her softly into his arms, kissing her passionately and she replied even more passionately. Whoops, cheers and claps erupted around the over-sized tent. Angel pulled away and picked Angelica up, swinging her over his hip. He took Cordelias hand and lead her down the walkway as his wife. He took in a deep breath, smelling the sweet fragrance of life. Now they could started making up for all those lost years. Now their lives could begin. Again.  
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At last it is finished. I'm sorry about the soppy ending but the chapter before was quite depressing. I hope you liked it, if you did TELL ME. if not, TELL ME. Get the hint, please review. Thank-you.  
Nuttyginger 


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